It's official - I'm boiling

So I've been back at the coalface checking out blogs and online shopping beavering furiously away to the delightful accompaniment of this:
*crack

And I don't mean cos Lexie across the way has been snorting/smoking illicit substances.

It's my neck. I am wound as tight as a fish's arsehole (a reliable old Aussie saying - apparently fish have very tight bottoms)

Anyhoo. I did a bit of Dr Googling as you do.

The New York Times, that bastion of superlative informative, baldly tells me it's because my joints are boiling.
What the?

And there's also talk of gas. As if anyone needs more of that. Actually better me than Mr Ripe, he's already got enough.

Clearly I require a good relaxing massage - it's a medical emergency.

Call Dr Doug..stat.